So that was the Caulfield Cup….pffft much ado about nothing as far as I’m concerned!

Old Bauer and I settled into the beanbags to watch the day’s racing on TVN. We created a bit of a gentlemen’s club and invited those boys in blue from Godolphin over for a drink and a smoke but they declined – clean living lads apparently, no drink, no smoke, no women – my God how do they live??!!

Anyway so old Bauer and I settled in without those Arabian chaps and broke out some very nice Cubans that Willy mailed over in a care package for me. My God I was glad that we were warm and comfortable in very civilised surrounds because it looked as though Medici, Tokai, and the other lads were having a devil of a time what with the wind and rain and all at Caulfield

The locals were complaining about the weather as if the seven horsemen of the Apocalypse were arround the corner – what absolute sissies! Now I’m the last horse to want to go ploughing through mud and slush but these Aussies were whinging and whining and carrying on like they’d never seen rain – they ought to come over for a Cheltenham festival and see how tough the log jumpers do it in our neck of the woods!

And what about that Gai Waterhouse? Lovely lady and obviously a woman of real class and proper upbringing but my God can she talk! Poor old Bauer reckons he was stuck with her at trackwork one morning when he was last in town and she talked, and talked, and talked, after half an hour without a breath he became sort of hypnotised by her voice – how on earth I will never know, a bit high pitched for hypnotism I’d of thought.

I say she knows a thing or two about racing and that Spanish fellow Descarado obviously enjoys her company, but how they ever put up with her yabbering is beyond me – my ears are still ringing!

So after watching the race with a few brandy’s under our belt Bauer and I were getting rather merry and we decided that we both very much like our chances in the Melbourne Cup. If the Caulfield Cup is the best lead in to the race I don’t think that we have much to worry about – that fat roly-poly chap named Shocking (reminds me a little of the fat controller actually) ran a decent enough race but how is he going to cope when old Blue puts him to the sword at the furlong pole? Poor fellow, he could hardly get past that dirty frog Manighar and I’ve towelled up that snivelling Frenchman on any number of occasions! Ah yes, I’m getting more confident as the big day draws nearer…

Well before I sign off for the night and jump into bed I must explain my Tweet from late last week. I’ve had any number of emails about that particular tweet and yes I’ll confirm it now, Illustrious Blue is in love!

I’ve been swept off my feet, entranced, and generally gobsmacked by a gorgeous little filly staying just across the way…I’ll reveal more later this week…

Until next time


Rain Rain Go Away

What sort of life is this.

To think I left sunny Sussex and a stately manor for this. Rain, mud, wind. I should have moved to Aberdeen – would have been cheaper and at least I know a few accomodating ladies in the area.

But it is what it is. I must say though I had a jolly good time on Monday night drinking with Tokai Trick and Mr Medici. Don’t mind a sake, underrated drink that, but could have done without the karaoke!

Apparently Medici fancies himself a bit on the microphone and he insisted on belting out “Born in the USA” about 10 times until he got it tone perfect – after 25 sake’s he sounded shocking but we all cheered politely and called him “The Boss”. Got to get the boy gee-ed up for the weekend, Caulfield Cup and all that.

Tokai stragenly enough fanices himself as a Madonna impersonater. Give me Bing Crosby anyday thank you very much.

Had a cast of thousands out there yesterday, the OTI crew came down to have a look at their boys. But do you think they would have popped over to my barn and said hello? No, not even so much as a casual wave, more interested in that little twerp Bauer – nothing against the old boy but really, have a look at him. Small, grey, a head on him like a half chewed prune, come on gentlemen! Old Blue is a perfect specimen, some acknowledgement please!

Had another visitor too yesterday, an old compatriot Shadow Cabinet came down from Cessnock to keep me company. He’s been out here a few years now, used to be a lovely chap but he’s turned, as they say, a bit “bogan”.

As this is a PG rated blog I’ll refrain from relaying exact quotes but let’s just say that the Cabinet’s language would made a Liverpuddlian wharfie blush. Too much time in Wyong I think, enough said.

Anyway chaps I best be off for a morning snort. I’m introducing Tokai and Medici to single malt scotch this afternoon. Those lovely fellows from Godolphin stopped at Duty Free on the way over and picked up some very cheap Glenfiddich so ive organised a little scotch appreciation class in the barn.



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Well I must say these Aussies have really outdone themselves, what a welcome, what an outstanding ovation

When yours truly stepped off the float at Werribee – a little tight and grumpy I must say after a 30 hour flight – there were no fewer than 12 photographers there to greet me!

“Over here Blue, this way! Over here! Now me, look over your shoulder! Oh yes you’re an old tiger!” They screamed and screamed as they snapped away, it was a tad embarrassing really for a gentleman like myself but one takes these flashes of affection in one’s stride after years of practice. I know how to “strike a pose” as the youngsters say!

After the photographers had gorged themselves, the pressmen moved in, firing questions away one after the other. I answered a few then bid them good-day and slipped off to bed for a quick brunch and a nap, I’ll be here for a while and the good men and women of the press will have plenty of time to get to know me. Maybe I should organise a publicist…

Now onto more important matter. Well-heeled gentlemen like myself are accustomed to the rigours of international travel but I must say I was most disappointed with young Willy once we took off

For starters he left my favourite dressing gown and pipe at home along with my favourite slippers, and to make matters worse he forgot to order my favourite brandy for the flight so all that the hostess could offer was cheap scotch! How utterly dreadful!

I gave him a piece of my mind and instructed the pilot to make a stop in Copenhagen – terrific tobacconist on the high street there you know – so that Willy could run into duty free. That ought to teach that little whippersnapper.

Apart from Willy’s misdemeanour, the trip went without a hitch. Attrocious snorer that Bauer though, absolutely ghastly! At one point I was woken suddenly by the most horrible noise and I feared the engine was mis-firing – old Blue’s life flashed before his eyes for a moment there, I’m not a strong swimmer, hate the water in fact – but then I looked over and there is old Bauer with his great big frog mouth wide open roaring away without a care in the world – shocking breath too but they say the grey coats do suffer from that problem, poor chaps.

Once we touched down in Melbourne though all was well. I took in the sights on the way to Werribee – didn’t see any mansions though which was odd, in fact the town looked down right lower-middle class to me. I suspect young Willy must have pulled the wool over my eyes there, I must make a notew to slap him tomorrow morning.

That said though, there must be quite a few well-off families around the area because I couldn’t help but notice the number of teenage girls taking young children for walks in prams as we drove through. Nannies I presume, and where you find nannies you’ll find money, and where you find money you’ll often find yours truly.

Until next time



Well hello there ladies and gentlemen!

Illustrious Blue here just writing a quick note to let you know I’m about to head Down Under to start a new life on the colony.

I received a phone call from those lovely chaps at Australian Bloodstock a couple of months ago and they were most insistent that I join them in Oz for a spin around in the Melbourne Cup. Jolly good I thought, nice to know that one is still well thought of at my age .

I’d heard of the race but I wasn’t completely au fait with the finer details, I knew some Irishman had won the race with an old draught horse a few

years back but we don’t mix with the commoners where I’m from. Nevertheless, I felt I needed a change after seven years in England, frightfully cold up here you know, so I convinced young Willy to let me take a sea change and head south.

Willy was sad to see me go I must admit. He’s a good young chap and he agreed he’d come out and make sure I settle in to Werribee. Not sure what the town is like but I read that there is a mansion somewhere nearby so they must be upstanding well-bred people out that way.

Willy even went to the trouble of flying in some proper Australian fare for me to snack on, just so I get a feel for the local tucker but I must say the feed didn’t agree with my old mate and travelling companion Sans Frontieres.

Poor old bean, he’s been frightfully gassy after a week on the Aussie grub and he’s so ill he has decided to pull out of the trip all together! A shame indeed as he’s a jolly nice chap and I was looking forward to a good sing song on the way out. Will tells me I’ll be flying out with a grey called Bauer instead.

I don’t know much about Bauer but he tells me he’s well known Down Under – did have some trouble with a fellow named Bart though, will tell me about it on the plane no doubt.

Well I must be off, I have a plane to catch and all that. Should be a jolly good lark on the flight with old Bauer, hopefully they have some cognac for us when we take our seats. We only fly first class you know.

Until next time


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